A dose of reality

I have felt so down on myself for not being able to "stick" to any diet, eventually ending up bingeing and purging. I wondered why I didn't have the willpower to do it. I've been so jealous of the skinny girls who've been able to do it. Why couldn't I? What is wrong with me? Why am I so weak?

Well, I finally decided it was time to get some help.

I went to see my doctor yesterday. It was so scary. He weighed me. Took my measurements. Checked my blood work and vital signs. Told me I am insulin resistant. That's why I crave sweets and other carbs. He said I had wrecked my metabolism and if I kept down this path, I would end up gaining more weight and worse - diabetic.

He spent over 1 1/2 hours with me. I felt like someone cared and really wanted to see me do well and get better. He put me on a diet. And pills to help with cravings and burn fat. I have to report to him every week and keep a log of what I eat and how I feel when I eat. He told me to call him whenever I feel weak. I think God put him in my path to set me straight.

I will now keep a journal of my goings to the MD.

Today is Day 1. Wish me luck on a path to recovery!

Cheers to new friends!

So, I have a new friend who I'll be dieting with! I'm so excited, cause maybe THIS will keep me on track!
We even have close to the same starting stats, so that's a bonus. She's been doing ABC for a week now and has lost almost 7 lbs!
If I'm following her blog correctly - today is a 400 cal day. You can follow her too:
http://barbiebody.blogspot.com/

I hope I can be as successful as this! Wish me luck!!

Hmmm...

OK....What to do....

I have GOT to break this food addiction somehow.  I've got two theories: 1.  If I can just not eat for, I dunno, even just 1 or 2 days....maybe that would help? Or would it make me binge? and 2. What if I just eliminate all the high sugar/fat foods and stick with only healthy, low cal, low carb foods. If I can make myself stick to it for a week - do you think all the cravings would go away?
I've been reading about all the benefits of fasting in combination with a low carb diet and it's pretty interesting...
http://www.justinowings.com/b/index.php/me/a-low-carbohydrate-diet-mixed-with-inter
I think I might could do that...Anyone tried it before with any luck? There's just gotta be a way to break this dumb cycle I'm stuck in!

What am I going to do with myself?

I haven't posted in a little bit...mostly cause I think I just gave up. I can stick to a plan for no more than a couple days. I'm addicted to food. I can't seem to change that. Sorry it's so depressing...I know that's not fun to read. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself! If anyone out there has any hope for me - please fill me in.

I have been going to the gym just about every day. THAT I'm good at...I really like working out. Working out makes me hungry for some reason. So I eat. Cause I like food.

I could be eating something crappy...know that I shouldn't be eating it....tell myself to stop...and I just keep on eating. Then sometimes I purge. Sometimes I just say f*ck it. Am I destined to be a fat-a$$?

Any help?

Inspire me...

171.6

That's the weight I'm at this am. That's 4ish pounds. Not too bad.
Going to the gym today to run my buns off. Still going with the low carb thing - although I've been reading that carb/calorie cycling is supposed to be really good for fat loss. From what I can tell, you do 3 days (more or less depending on you) of no carbs (or less than 20g) and low calories, followed by 1 day of higher carbs (somewhere around 80-100g) and higher calories (increased 500cals from the low days).
So....if I'm doing 800cals and 20g carbs on low days, then after 3 days or so (which is usually when I binge anyway), I could increase my cals to 1300 and carbs to 80g. Interesting theory.
I read on someone else's blog that they follow low carb/cals until the scale doesn't move for 3 days in a row. That worked out to 6 days of low carb/cal. She then followed that with 6 days of high carb/cal. I think 6 days of a "refeed" is too much for me, but it seemed to work for her.
Now that I'm feeling better I may have to give this a try...who knows? Nothing else has kept me from the bingeing cycle yet. Maybe this would help that since I would know in advance that a higher day was on the horizon? I'll keep it posted.
 Thanks to you guys who have wished me luck, given me a boost up, and sent "feel better" wishes!!

I think I'm done with the stomach bug and I'm feeling so much better. What's cool is I think I may have shrunk my stomach? Is that possible to do in such a short time? I went to Panera and had a bowl of chicken noodle soup with a baguette. Couldn't finish the soup - cause I was SO full! How cool is that?!?  Gotta get back into the cardio now that I feel better!!

Feeling better :)

655 cals for the day..still recuperating, but feeling better. It's so easy to eat right when you don't feel good!

HA!

250 Cals yesterday...I know it's morbid - but Gosh I like having a stomach bug! Still feeling nauseous today, so I'm betting I can keep it up. Plus it's a great excuse to my family why I'm not eating. I wonder how long I can ride this out?

Staying home with a stomach bug....gosh I feel yucky. Luckily - I have zero appetite, so there will be no bingeing today. HA - it takes a stomach bug to keep me on track...well - back to bed for me.

Ugh.

So, as usual, like I always do, I have binged. A lot. Why can't I just stick to something? I can't blame it on anyone or anything this time. It was me. All me. And I don't know why. Why? What is so wrong with me that I can't stick to something? My lack of willpower is disgusting. I am disgusting.
I gotta figure out how to fix this.

Need more inspiration :)

Oops, I did it again!!

750 cals for the day! I'm on a roll :)

Scratch yesterday's 760 cals for the day. I ended up having some cauliflower as a snack later, so I'm guessing another 100 cals onto what I did....860 cals still isn't bad.

Now, I just have to keep busy and keep the family from wanting to go out to eat. Their fav saying is "oh, I'll start on Monday" with the diet, so the weekends are particularly bad - this one being the worst because it's just after the New Year.

I'll be back later to document how I did today!

Woohoo!

760 cals for the day...back on track!

I need to remember this one...

Your body keeps an accurate journal regardless of what you write down...

Happy New Year!

Here's to a new you...and here's to a new me!

I need some advice...from anyone out there...
My family likes to go out to eat at least once a week. I find it VERY difficult to 1. Not go with them and 2. Not pig out when I do.
I went to Carraba's last night for the "end of the year" celebration. What did I order? NOT the salad. NOT the soup. Of course, I got the HUGE plate of pasta...what else would you get there!?! I'm not so good with temptation it would seem.
So, any advice on how to maintain in spite of temptation would be much appreciated :)

On a lighter note (ha! not THIS morning!)...I feel good about the new year. My whole family wants to try and lose some weight too, so maybe there will be fewer temptations.

Goals for 2011:
 1. I want to weigh 155 by my birthday (March 1st).
    I will do this by eating under 1000 cals/day of low carb, low fat, healthy foods.
    I will also do at least 30mins cardio at least 5 days/week.
2. I want to weigh 135 by June 1st (so I can hopefully look decent in a swim suit)
3. By the end of the year I want to weigh 120.
4. I think I'd like to start running again...so I'd like to be able to run a 5k by the end of the year.
5. I need to drink more water - no excuses - drink at least 8 cups of water/day.

Any other ideas to throw in that pot - let me know!